Posted by: ryanmontbleau | December 20, 2011

Bottle of Red

We drove home all day yesterday from Wilkes-Barre, PA to Lawrence, MA. Not the longest drive in the grand scheme of things, but those six hours always seem longer than they are. It probably has something to do with the fact that I’m inevitably hungover when I leave Wilkes-Barre, PA.

 

I’m starting to feel like I used to feel when I got home from touring. Exhausted and antsy at the same time. Very tempted to get fucked up, to get out of my head at any cost. When you move around so much at a million miles an hour (or 75mph, whichever) and then you come home and you suddenly stop… it can be hard to know what to do with yourself. I’m trying to eat good, I went to yoga tonight, I sent my parents some wine and a Christmas card and ran some other errands today.

 

After yoga I cooked a meal for one with more than enough food for two. Even when I’m home, my house is 98 miles and a ferry ride from my girlfriend, so that’s just the way it goes sometimes. And I found a nice bottle of wine tucked away from some pot-luck or dinner party of yore. The smell of garlic in the air, seasoned warm chicken, mashed sweet potatoes, the steamed broccoli. I uncorked the bottle and happily downed a glass of that Chilean red with dinner in front of the TV. When I ate my seconds I drank water to rehydrate from the Bikram. But I was so much looking forward to that next glass of wine. I wondered if I would maybe end up downing the whole bottle.

 

And when I set out to do the dishes, I opened a cabinet and knocked the near-full bottle of wine clean off the marble counter. It smashed on the floor in a million pieces. Shards of dark green glass and red pools that made our kitchen look like a murder scene, all spreading over the hardwood and seeping under the fridge.

 

Fuck.

 

Maybe that’s a sign that I’m not supposed to be drinking.


Responses

  1. Keep living the dream, Ryan — enjoying a beer or whatever isn’t a bad thing, but you want to keep getting better at what you do, and enjoying it, and alcohol isn’t really going to get you where you want to go. With your “job,” you know how easy it will sink you.

    I was concerned that I was starting to enjoy my nightly beer or two too much this summer, but I’ve replaced that with a killer energy drink habit. Still not the healthiest thing, but it’s better at supporting my dreams, of helping me wake up at 2-3am every day and write.

  2. I’ld rather be 75 and SUNNY!

  3. Keep on keepin’ on Ryan. Your music has evolved into such a beautiful beast and the band that you’ve got together now is absolutely fantastic. I’ve seen you and the guys six times this year and I have to admit that waiting for the next show, and listening to the live recording of the last, has kept me sane this year. Your lyrics have touched me and I honestly think that without you and your music I would have fallen into a deep depression over this past year. Your music keeps me going, keeps my heart happy, and my feet moving. I can’t wait until next time and keep the new tunes coming. Thanks for being you and doing what you do!

  4. Sometimes the universe tells us things…whether or not we listen is a whole different story…but then again…sometimes gravity just happens


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